Exercises in Futility

Most people don’t exercise their futility nearly enough and consequently find themselves unable to be truly futile when the need strikes. Now you can improve your non-performance in this important area, using only items you will most likely find in your own home. And if you are not satisfied with your new futility after two weeks, you will, in fact, have succeeded.

1. Take one blank sheet of paper and one pencil. Try to draw everything.

2. I thought I would think of some more exercses while writing this, but I was wrong. Make up your own exercises. It’s not like it matters, or anything.

Lost and found

Today I almost lost my woollen cap. We go way back, the cap and I, but I was not sad to see it gone; I figured that I’d had it long enough, and now the night had taken it, perhaps to warm her ears.

But when I started walking back the same way I’d come I quickly found it, lying outside the library. It was probably craving for some culture and, being a cap, didn’t realize the library was closed.

Dear Sirs,

I write to you on behalf of my clients, Messieurs Delacroix & Lacanne; the well-known inventors of the cephalograph, the mechanical autocorrespondent, and several other useful contraptions, as well as many popular novelty items.

It is the wish of my clients to entrust to your firm, Cornelius Finch & Sons, with the manufacture of their latest invention.

The Un-container is a medium-sized box made out of the finest materials (such as aluminium, box-wood, the tears of unborn children, and bromidium oxide. See enclosed documents for specifications), with six sides of equal size, and no opening mechanism. It will be delivered to the customer in a closed state, and can consequently not be used as a container for anything. Its primary use will be the un-storage of tea, small change, and other household items of small to moderate value.

My clients wish to manufacture 1,000 units of this design, with the possibility of continued production if there proves to be pulic demand for the product.

We look forwards to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

O. Muralto,
business representative of Delacroix & Lacanne

The best word ever

http://www.catb.org/~esr/jargon/html/M/mu.html

The only drawback is that it sounds like a cow.

Fake Children

This actually happened to me once.

An Eye for Annai

The monkeys rock.