Facts about America

Americans do not speak like other people. Instead they communicate by means of an intricate system of clicks and whistles, which can be heard over distances up to several miles. Because of this, they do not recognize the concept of privacy, and consider anything that has been said as public information, available to everyone. They are deeply suspicious of the written word, and foreign visitors (who often find it difficult to make themselves heard in American society) should take care never to be seen reading silently in public, as this will provoke most Americans into uncontrollable fits of rage.

The American diet consists mainly of insects and small animals, which the Americans skillfully catch with their long sticky tongues. They do not consider fruit and vegetables edible, but their children sometimes collect nuts and berries (which they believe are small rocks) and use them for decorative purposes.

American society is divided into three groups, which have very little contact with each other. Members of all three groups look very similar and do not differ in behaviour or habits. It is believed that they are able to recognize members of their own group by smell, or by minimal variations in language. Children always belong to the same group as their parents, but after they reach adolescence, they often join one of the other groups with little or no advance warning. Members of the three groups only get together once or twice every year, at great open-air meetings where new births and marriages are acknowledged, and where individuals who have broken one of their intricate and unwritten laws are sentenced to government duty or to work in public schools.