Global Warming and its Effects on Fashion

I'm currently in the process of picking out a hat. It's harder than it may sound; I haven't really a hat head, and there are some demands to be considered; the hat cannot be to expensive (I'm a student, after all), it must be broad-brimmed and preferably something that can take a little wear and tear.

So why a hat, the reader may ask, and why these strict specifications? Well, I need something to go with my long coat, hunting-rifle (or shotgun - I'm not picky) and big sonuvabitch knife that will most likely be my outfit of choice in a few years, after global warming has destroyed all of civilization and the remaining scraps of humanity has been forced to battle for survival in a harsh, unforgiving postapocalyptic landscape.

As far as fashion is concerned, the greenhouse effect is a vastly preferable apocalyptogenic agent (neologism of the day. Feel free to use it) to nukes. Dramatic and romantic as the latter may be; being forced to drag around a hazmat suit - or even just a gas mask - isn't really that sexy. Furthermore, cancer can to nasty stuff to your skin. In that light, we should be happy that global warming is the impending doom of our generation.

I implore you all to immediately go out and buy your own hats, before the floods and the hurricanes collapses the international hat distribution network. Oh, and while you're at it, you'd better buy a rifle and a big sunovabitch knife too, because if you haven't and we meet after the shit has hit the fan, I won't really be able to afford not to kill you and take your hat. And, y'know, sell it to someone who remembered to buy the rifle but forgot to buy the hat.

Yes, that's all.