»Piano Man« mystery so cool it seems fake, experts say

»Things this interesting don't really happen in the real world, seems to be the consensus«, commented Dr. T. Thaddeus Blott, Islington, today, as the mysterious incident of the Piano Man rolls into its second month. »I mean, we all really thought it was an elaborate staging of a Miss Marple novel, or something. Me too.«
Washed up in Sheerness, Kent, on or around April 7th, the so-called Piano Man appears to suffer amnesia and will or can not talk, but plays the piano beautifully, as well as composing. It is not currently known whether he plays the oboe.
Dr. Blott, an expert in Applied Hoodwinkery at Cambridge, stated that »We're still not quite convinced he's real. One of our current working theories is that he's an obscure character from some lesser-known Chesterton novel. We've got the entire County Kent police force reading Chesterton's opera completa as we speak.«
An angry bystander then bludgeoned Dr. Blott with a cudgel. Police have yet to determine whether the act was motivated by Dr. Blott's statements about the Piano Man or his needless and erroneous Latin, as they're all still reading.