Fun with science 1

Greetings, fellow knowledge-seekers! Welcome to this week's installment of Fun with Science. As usual, your host is me, professor Kusch. Today we will talk about the atom. The atom is the smallest part of an element that can be readily identified as belonging to that element. It consists of protons, electrons and, most often, neutrons. It also makes an excellent pet.

Many people erroneously believe that the atom is unsuitable for a pet. Arguments that are sometimes heard are that "it's too small" or that "it's impossible to know its velocity and its position at the same time". However, it is not hard to realize how bizarre these arguments are. Atoms are small, sure, but so are Chihuahuas, and nobody has ever questioned the Chihuahua's suitability as a pet. And it is true that you cannot know the exact position and the exact velocity of an atom at the same time, but this goes equally for all kinds of pets; it's called Heisenbergs law of unceirtanty and applies equally well to objects of all sizes.

The atom has a number of properties that makes it a better pet than most. For starters, it requires no maintenance: you'll never have to feed it, housebreak it or take it for walks, and whereas a cat or a dog will die in fifteen years to the gret grief of the family, an atom will probably outlive all of you.

So, let's say you're convinced, and you're wondering "what kind of atom shall i buy?". There is a number of possibilities; more than 92, as a matter of fact. However, some are more well-suited than others. While you might be tempted to fall for the "playfulness" of an atom belonging to an element that is gasous at NTP, such as hydrogen, helium, oxygen or nitrogen, these atoms can sometimes be a little too playful in that they have a tendency to blow away. Thus, you might want to look at some of the heavier elements, such as iron or lead. They might seem grey and dull, but there's no questioning their reliability. For those of you that enjoys luxury, an atom of silver, gold or platinum might just do the trick. However: try to avoid radioactive isotopes; even if it has a theoretical half-life of some million years, your atom might decay tomorrow, and then your sitting there with a depressed thorium atom when what you really wanted was a happy uranium atom.

What do you do, once you've gotten your atom. Well, that's the good part; you don't need to do anything! Atoms practically handle themselves. "But I can't see my atom!", you might say. Personally, I don't really see what the big deal is, but to some, that is a problem. As atoms are invisible to the human eye and to a normal optical microscope, you will have to buy an electron microscope to be able to see your atom. The price of an electron microscope ranges between $25,000 and $100,000 (and upwards) depending on quality and prestanda.

Good luck with your new pet, and stay tuned for next weeks installment of Fun with science!