*Hide gold coins in hollow trees and under rocks
*Carve tiny idols out of bark and set them afloat in puddles
*Jump in circles
*Read the newspaper and drink a cup of coffee
*Volunteer at homeless shelters
*Kill mice and small squirrels for no reason at all
*Gild their beaks and sit abslolutely still in trees
*Shit on your car
*Floss
One day Brother Edward, on one of his many walks around the countryside, happened to enter Hell, which was located in a cave near the three standing stones at Marlburgh (you can still see soot in the roof of the cave and, on windy days, hear the screams of the damned). It was raining, and he went into the cave seeking shelter, expecting to find at most a bear or a deranged hermit, both of which he had dealt with in the past with the help of the small bottle of brandy he always carried with him.
Imagine his surprise, then, when upon entering the cave he was greeted by none other than that old deceiver of men, the Devil, who was sitting at a table so filled with the most delicious-looking food imaginable that some of the lesser delicacies were in danger of falling off the table (most notably, he later recounted, a large bunch of grapes which was hanging off the edge of the table and a big red cheese which was only kept from falling to the floor by a minor demon, who was propping it up with a pitchfork).
"Won't you share my meal, Brother Edward?" the Devil said, waving a leg of mutton in the general direction of a second chair on the opposite side of the table.
"No thank you," Brother Edward said, "I'd rather just eat this piece of stale bread which I brought with me, if you don't mind."
The Devil, being the prince of Lies, could not say that he did mind, seeing as that would have been the truth, so instead he said "Well, won't you at least sit down?" (since questions don't have a truth value, he felt quite safe saying anything as long as it was framed as a question).
"No thank you," Brother Edward said, "I'd rather keep standing, if you don't mind."
A little known fact about Pope Urban IV (1195–1264) is that he liked to juggle eggs more than anything in the world. When, in 1261, after his election (he was the first pope to be elected without first having served as cardinal. This is believed to be the reason his egg juggling was not discovered earlier), he tried to gather support for a crusade against the Byzantine emperor Michael VIII Palaialogos in order to restore the Latin Empire of Constantinople, he was, in fact, standing on his head on the papal chair, juggling twelve freshly boiled eggs. His appeal met with very little support, and the crusade did not take place.
One morning, upon waking, I found myself transformed into a crocodile. After some initial trouble adjusting to my new situation (I dropped my favourite teacup on the floor), I found that living in a crocodilian state was not without advantages. I could swim effortlessly through water, break the legs of a full grown wildebeest with a single sweep of my tail, and hide at the water's edge by taking on the appearance of a waterlogged piece of lumber.
I took up residence in a small pond in a local park, and before long I had become something of a local celebrity. People would feed me breadcrumbs and pieces of sausages, small children would ride on my back, and pensioners would challenge me to friendly games of chess. All would have been well, if not for the rapid approach of winter. I decided it was time to leave for warmer climes and stowed away in a crate of potatoes, which I belived would be exported to Madagascar, or possibly Tortuga.
After a long journey and a series of comical misadventures, I found myself on the moon.
I Think The Guy's A Swede
I thought this was pretty neat. Lookee! (It's a YouTube video. But I don't know how to embed.)
Short posts now. Fear not, soon I will slip my surly bonds for a few months, maybe then we can kick some life into this old horse.
The Silent Crowd Opens Its Lips To Speak
It strikes me, you know, that it's been a while. Well, I have something for you. Perhaps you haven't seen it. It's the art gallery of one Tomasz Marónski.
My favorite picture is this one.
I’m not going to make a habit of posting youtube videos here, but this is really one of the seven best things ever. All right, twelve.
(also link to same)
This is a very Badgerlike setting. You should like it. (I felt like posting something, just to prove we're not all dead. Or in the case of some of us, at least not more dead than usual.)
